Who are you?
When one asks you that question what is your answer?
Most people that I’ve asked that question usually answer with a title: such as I’m a mother, I’m a father or they use a job title such as a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, or just a housewife.
Yet do those titles really make you you? In each of those titles, are you the same person? Or do you change like a chameleon to fit into those titles? Meaning do you act differently or speak differently in those roles versus being the same person in each and every title that you wear?
For me, I kept changing like a chameleon into each of the roles. I had the roles of mother, wife, daughter, sister, bookkeeper, yoga instructor, doula, shamanic facilitator, along with 15 more). I was not being myself; it was like I was a different persona for each of those titles that I had. For example, when I went back to my childhood home, it felt like I shrunk myself down and became a little kid again. Playing out those little pokey fights with my siblings, acquiescing to my parents’ wishes as opposed to standing in my own power with my own ideas, values, and even choices I was making in my adult life. I never looked forward to visiting during holidays or family dinners.
I felt tired all the time, felt that I was a fake, lying yet it wasn’t lying…it was withholding the truth from people. I would say to some people that I meditate or am a shamanic facilitator, yet would say nothing to others. Even my spouse didn’t know that I was a shamanic facilitator. My body was tighter than a drum, my digestion was way off and I was numb from feeling what was truly there…I shut down, I couldn’t sleep. Always feeling the “other shoe would drop.”
Or I had a circle of friends, or I should say many circles of friends, yet I would never put them together in the same room. That really bummed me out. When I had a birthday or special occasion, I wanted all of them to be there yet felt that I could not invite all of them. So, I took the coward’s way out, and never threw a party. It took me a long time to realize the reason why that was. It was me! I was not being my true self. I wasn’t sharing with them who I truly was. Partly because I was afraid. Afraid of not being liked. Of not wanting to be seen. Not being valued or liked for being me and truly not being appreciated.
It all came crashing down three years ago for me. It was when I became an empty Nester. Our youngest moved out, and the home was empty. It was me and my spouse. I broke down in tears. It was not that I was gonna miss my youngest being gone and the house being empty (I was excited for him to spread his wings and experience life).
It was the realization that I didn’t know who the hell I was!
I put my “wants” and “desires” on hold – waiting for the kids to get older and not need me. Then it all came crashing down – that of each of the titles that I had, I didn’t know who I was without those titles and it was that split moment of realizing of removing the title of mother, for a few seconds, my whole life just spiraled before me, unraveling and I got to see each of those titles separated from me and being released for the moment and it’s like I didn’t know who I was. I felt naked, vulnerable and who am I without a title and it’s taken me three years of unraveling and releasing each of those titles, and seeing who I was without them. The title doesn’t make you, you make the title. How you stand in each of those titles, and the titles will come and go, especially job titles. Who are you without being a doctor, especially when one retires or you quit one job title and move into another, especially if it’s a different job title?
This process took me almost 3 1/2 years to go through, and through these processes, I’ve curated a four month program that gets down to the nitty-gritty. Step by step – It allows one to be able to remove the titles, put them aside. To be able to see who you are at the very core of you. For the culmination at the end of the 4 months to stand as yourself: with strength, with love and honor. To walk into these roles and be your true authentic sovereign self.
The Art of Discovering You.
Being You